I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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