If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
