I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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