Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
