his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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