we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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