I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
