So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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