I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize