lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
