you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
