What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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