What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
