when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
