He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
