I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she peed on how many people?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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