They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
