I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize