alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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