i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
