I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
