shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I met the friendliest cop last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
