i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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