so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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