I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
