My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
