I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
