I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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