Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you would pick up someone in the library
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
