Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
