If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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