why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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