Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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