I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
