Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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