Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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