She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
