R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
