On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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