pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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