never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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