I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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