Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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