I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
