So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
