As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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