brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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