The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
