Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
