i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
