John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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