I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
