dude i'm inner monologue high
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
