I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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