Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
