So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
