i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
