She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
