remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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