I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
