Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
