I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
