i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize