If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the condom got lost in my hair
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
