I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
