u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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