Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
