Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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