Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
