I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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