i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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