remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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